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[20 Aug 2009|12:57am] |
On Monday Jordan and I hosted an end of the summer party/get-together/thing, at our apartment for some friends who work with him & who we go bowling with, since we'll all be too busy to spend much time together as a group this semester, especially since Gabby is leaving for college. Everyone made and brought over food, we played some video games, but mostly just talked, ate and hung out until really late. I let everyone else do the planning, but I had fun playing hostess and ended up making a new biscuit recipe by mistake, which turned out really suprisingly well. Jordan made some amazing BLTs, as well as Dr. Pepper pork. Gabby made pasta salad and homemade bread, and garlic butter and honey butter to go with them. Mr. Wood and his girlfriend Caitlin brought over some chicken alfredo (I don't remember which of them made it), Joseph made some spicy chocolate cookie things, and Brian and Brianne brought the drinks. It's too hard to decide which food I liked best, but everyone's cooking was so good.
My Birthday is on Friday. Hard to believe, only because this year went by so quickly... I hope my 22nd year will be more exciting. Although I don't know whether I should be excited for the actual birthday or not, because I don't know what I'll be doing for it. But Trivania's birthday is coming up too, and I really want to see her! I miss the Trivy like crazy. So if you're reading this, let's plan to hang out soon.
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[29 Jul 2009|11:57am] |
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 happy |
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Hmm, I hardly ever use this any more. Usually because anything exciting that happens requires a really long entry.
So instead of posting up long entries: to summarize, over the last couple of months, I went on a Darien Lake trip with Dad, Julia, Max and Charlelie. We had a fantastic time, going on rides, camping, making s'mores, enjoying the water park, making fun of the super-cheesy new shows, feeding the fish, stargazing, and getting tipsy on vodka before dancing around at the laser light show. I already can't wait to go again sometime. Max and Charlelie went back to France, and I miss them! And Julia has spent the month in France with Max and his family. I may get to go with them next time though, as long as I get a passport soon. When Charlelie left to go back, he told me "Next time, see you in France!" :D
I also went to the Strawberry Festival with my friends and had so much fun catching up with everyone, going to the new diner downtown, and the next day, getting cruddy $1 beer and $1 hotdogs, haha. The Strawberry Fest is only fun when you're there with friends, and luckily I got to be there with a lot of mine. The art gallery also had an art show with some of my pictures in it, so I saw a lot of my old high school art classmates. They've all done really well lately it seems, and had some neat adventures, so I'm happy for them!
Onto more current things:
Being hopeful is getting significantly easier, lately, because a lot of positive things are happening for me right now. Finally. At the same time, that makes me worried because every time I dare to get hopeful, something goes wrong and I'm suddenly back to square one again. I've been at square one for a long time. Still, as I said, things are looking up, and I aim to keep them that way.
Getting depressed, although it's unfortunately natural and sometimes inevitable for me, is something to which there is absolutely no point whatsoever. I try to avoid things that make me feel sad, and I go for what ever (within reason) keeps me happy. The avoidance part is kind of hard, because it means not thinking about anything negative that I know I can't change. But keeping myself happy so that I can be successful is what's important and necessary right now.
Last night Bri and I went to my parents' house, and we baked cookies with my Mom. I love baking and I missed my Mom, and I hardly see Brianne any more. Baking always makes me happy. The only thing I don't like about it doing the is the dishes afterwards, but Mom and Dad have a dishwasher, so that's not such a problem here. I'm going back to my apartment later, and Jordan gets back from his camping trip with Brian today, so I'll be really happy to see him.
Most importantly, I have a new job possibility opening up, but I don't want to elborate until I know if it's happening for sure this time. This place looks a lot more reliable. But again, I have the nervousness about getting hopeful. So we'll see how it all plays out.
Take care, everyone.
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| Busy week, but very fun. |
[02 Jun 2009|11:51am] |
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Last week was actually fairly eventful.
Jordan and I went over to Brian's house on Wednesday to hang out with he and Brianne, because Brian's graduation party was Thursday. Jordan got a campfire going in the back yard and Brian grilled some hot dogs and such, then we hung out by the fire, and we had some drinks and some laughs, though Brianne didn't drink with us because she had work in the morning, which was a shame. Unfortunately there was some drama happening that night, but out of politeness for the people involved, I'm not going to get into detail about it here. It was resolved later anyway, and I'm glad for that.
The next day we woke up pretty early. Hooray for no one having a hang over. I don't think any of us drank quite enough for that. Brian made us breakfast, then most of the day was spent playing with Brian's niece and nephew, who are sweet kids. Brian was also kind enough to let me use his printer to make prints for the art show I'll be participating in later this month, since I don't have a printer of my own.
For the party, Brian's parents brought home his graduation cake and a crazy amount of chicken wings, ribs and other snacks. Yum! Brianne came back from work in time for dinner and cake, thankfully! I was so worried she might not show, since she had such a busy day. Later we all went for a walk together, sat by the stream, saw some cows and a creepy old house, and then after we got back, Brianne drove me to my parents' house, because Friday was Julia's prom.
So Friday, Julia's boyfriend Max and his cousin Charlelie took me to the art gallery to drop off my things, and then picked up the corsages they ordered for Julia and Caitlin. Later after Julia and the boys got ready, we all met up with Caitlin and her family and we took pictures of the prom dates together. When the prom-goers went out to dinner, Caitlin's father and sister came back with us to my parents' house and we watched some TV and had pizza. (Yikes, I ate worse this week than I ever do normally, but it was fun at least.)
Then at nine, we watched the prom arrival ceremony, which was really nice. Julia, Max, Charlelie and Caitlin all seemed to be having a great time, so I'm happy that they had so much fun.
Well now I'm back at my apartment, even though I had fun last week, it's always good to be home again. Last night Jordan and I went out for dinner at a local Japanese cafe, then when we got home, Jordan participated in a live, online game show on XBox, which was really neat; his Xbox avatar got to be in the audience of the show but even audience members get to answer questions. He knew a lot of them, but I got to help out with some too.
And today I'm going to finally go buy The Sims 3! I can't wait!!
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[22 May 2009|04:26pm] |
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Hello.
I went to visit my parents and to run some errands in town.
My parents were having a 'barbecue', which turned out to be actually just my family sitting inside watching American Idol and making Julia's boyfriend grill hotdogs and veggie burgers. But, it's all good, because Felix came over to hang out with me. We watched American Idol, which such a weird show. We were kind of being dicks and making fun of everything, so I hope my Mom wasn't too bothered by us messing around. Then we hung out in my back yard and had some wine and called Mondo for bit, too.
I ended up spending the night at Felix's house, and his Dad made us Belgian waffles for breakfast the next morning. We played Rock Band for a while, and he drew me the little purple bunny icon I'm using now, as well as a bat and werewolf too:
 
I'm glad I got to see him, it was a lot of fun. I also briefly ran into Dave (visiting his family as well) the other day, too.
Other than that though, I haven't finished any of the errands I needed to run. I need to get printer paper and look at affordable framing materials and such, so that I can print my digital art for the A.P. Art reunion show I'm supposed to be in. But aside from picking up my new phone with Dad, I haven't managed to do anything I came here for, because no one wants to drive me to the store! And no one wants to drive me back to my apartment, either. To be honest I don't want to be here if I can't get anything done. Nothing against my parents, it's just that everyone's too busy with other things around here, so there isn't anything for me to do. I was only planning on staying until last night anyway, but now I can't get back until tomorrow.
Aside from that, I don't know. I've just been feeling really... hrm, not very good, lately. So it's nice to see friends, so I can stop thinking about everything else.
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| My first day at work |
[18 May 2009|06:57pm] |
My first day of work went pretty well. I only made a couple of mistakes on the register, but the customers were understanding, since I was still being trained. Paul (the owners' son) was nice, and really patient. I'm starting to get the hang of things already though, so I'm not too worried. I did better than I expected. For most of the day I worked at the register, then re-stocked the drink cooler, did dishes, and swept the floor. Aside from cleaning, the main part of the job is mostly just repetition (which buttons to push in which order), being nice to customers, and remembering prices. All-in-all, I like it so far.
The only negative is, it's been so slow there lately that my boss doesn't need me to work very many hours, so I still don't have a set schedule. However, they do still need my help, so I'm pretty much just waiting for her to tell me when to come in. I'd like a schedule, and ideally I'd like to be working 12-15 hours a week, because I could really use the money, and that would also give me plenty of time to do what ever else with the rest of my week. But I'll have to wait and see what happens.
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[15 May 2009|10:26am] |
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Heading out to my first day at work in just a few minutes.
I hope I'll do okay.
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| Today was surprisingly, amazingly... good! |
[13 May 2009|10:19pm] |
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Successful! |
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Guess who's getting a job??
Me!
Brianne's bosses (who own the local cafe and Greek restaurant) were catering a benefit dinner today, and they asked me last week if I would help out, just as a volunteer. I agreed, so I got to work with Bri and helped set up the buffet table and then carried around appetizer trays for the guests (like they do at fancy dinner parties!), offering people shrimp and salmon during the dinner. Even though I was still feeling a little shy, it was actually fun, and the guests were really friendly. Once the appetizers were all gone and the guests were mostly finished eating, Bri and I got to enjoy some of the food there as well. After we finished cleaning up once it was all over, Brianne's boss Samira called me in to the back room and said she wants me to come into the Greek restaurant later this week so they can train me to use the cash register!
The real reason they asked me to help was so that they could see what kind of worker I was, and apparently they think I'm a good one. I suspected that was the reason they wanted me to help, but I didn't want to get my hopes up, just in case that wasn't the reason. But I really wanted to prove myself today, so I'm really happy that they thought I did well enough to want to hire me.
I also had my English final presentation this morning, which was basically just a meeting with my teacher and one on one discussion with her about the book from the course that I chose to speak about. The class was online, so I had never actually met her until today, but she was really nice, and I think I did pretty well. It went a lot more nicely than I thought it would, because, again, I had so much shyness and self-doubt. But things seemed to turn out well. Plus my teacher bought me a smoothie as a thank you for coming in so early, so that was really sweet of her. We ended up talking about other books after I finished the actual presentation discussion, so now I have a few I want to find for summer reading!
Tomorrow morning I have my math exam, I'm a bit nervous about that, but I think I can do all right.
I'll let you know how things go.
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[08 May 2009|02:08am] |
The semester is almost over, so I have a great deal of studying to do and an English report to write for my final. I can hardly believe it's almost summer already. This semester has moved faster than any other so far, at least it seems that way. Not that I'm complaining. I'm happy school will be out soon, because I want to draw more, but I can't commit to any projects until I'm finished with school work. I've been writing often though, and I'm glad I've been keeping up with that.
I went out to a club with Trivy and Jeremy last Sunday, that was fun. Hopefully we can do that again soon, and also hopefully next time Jordan won't be working so he can come with us too. And any other friends who could come to town and join us, that would be great as well. *coughfelix*
Jordan and I also saw the new Star Trek movie. It was fun to watch, and I haven't been to the movies in so long, it was nice to finally go see one. Without giving anything away, I'd say my main criticism is that I think some characters could have been fleshed out a bit more and some of the relationships between characters could have been developed better, but overall it was exciting and certainly not disappointing. Zachary Quinto was an absolutely perfect choice for Spock. I've only seen a few episodes and a couple of the original Star Trek movies, so I'm not really an expert, but even so, Spock was always my favorite. The whole cast did pretty well too, with just a few noticeable differences between their TV show version counterparts. Since the entire theatre was crowded with Trekkies who were fangasming throughout the whole thing, I'd say if you're a big fan of Star Trek, you'll probably enjoy it too.
Uh, live long and prosper.
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| Tired ramblings of recent occurences. |
[21 Apr 2009|01:17am] |
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I spent Easter weekend at my parents' house. It was nice over all, but towards the end of the weekend it was a good reminder of why I can't live there. (Hint: Dad and Julia can be dicks. I'll leave it at that.) Spending time with Mom was nice though. We go for walks together quite a bit and we went shopping at one point too. She also showed me all of the remodeling they're doing on the house, so things are looking quite different now. Julia's boyfriend Max was staying over, so after Julia went to bed, he, Mom and I had some wine he brought with him from France, then he and I watched Knocked Up.
I also got to visit Felix for the first time since Christmas break. We watched Dune, which was the most unintentionally hilarious movie I've ever seen. I wonder who watched it and could actually take it seriously, because Felix and I were laughing the whole way through, and I don't see how anyone else would honestly be able to keep a straight face while watching that thing. Constant inner monologues from every character, floating evil fat people, and flying killer dildos? Oh, and Sting too!
We also watched some of his Dad's home movies from the 60's, had some pasta and tofu that his Dad made for dinner, and Felix drew me some pictures of cute animals.
Over the week Irena and Jenny came over, Irena during the first part of the week and then Jenny on Thursday and Friday. Jordan and I went out to dinner with Dave and Irena downtown. On the walk back up we stopped and sat on the rock wall on the side of someone's house and talked for a while. It was nice to just chill out with friends for a bit, I'm glad the weather is finally getting nice too.
When Jenny came over we watched the movie Paprika, which we all really liked. Then the guys went to bed so Jenny and I stayed up and played Castle Crashers, and the next day we played Left 4 Dead, and went out for Japanese food at a cafe a few minutes away from here.
This weekend was considerably less exciting, but at least I finished some art I'd been working on and got a good amount of cleaning done. Tomorrow after class I might spend some time with Brianne, hopefully.
Oh, and I helped stop a plagiarizer! There's a poet I watch on Deviant Art whose writing has been getting stolen by other people, which has really upset her. She posted links to websites that were using her poetry and claiming it was theirs. One girl had posted a few of the real poet's writings under different titles, and seeing that made me really angry that people would steal someone else's work and then flaunt it like it was their own. So last night I left a comment on her page asking her if she was having fun stealing other people's words, and told her she should go apologize to the real author, then reminded her "Plagiarism is a crime, you know." This morning, this is all that's left of her page: http://wildparagon.wordpress.com/2008/02/08/a-numbers-game/
No argument, no response, nothing.
She didn't have any other comments there at all beside mine, so I don't know if it was just me who told her she'd been caught, but it seemed that way. Either way, I feel really happy that I called someone out for stealing and the very next day they just disappear and shut the whole thing down. And she'll probably do it again eventually, but maybe she'll at least think twice about it next time.
That's all for tonight. I'll try to post again soon.
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[05 Apr 2009|07:39pm] |
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"Know Your Chicken" - Cibo Matto |
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I've been drawing every day lately, and seeing more and more small improvements in my overall skill all the time. It's nice to actually be happy with something I've made instead of feeling discouraged over the things I don't like about it. I've also been watching episodes of the Sonic The Hedgehog cartoon from the 90's all week. Which means that naturally I'm making Sonic fan art now, hehe. It's nice to be able to watch something I liked as a kid and find that I still like it even as an adult. Plus, having the DVD means I can never miss an episode or worry about it suddenly getting canceled, which was like a major dilemma for me as a kid. D:
As much as having free time can be fun though, too much of it is bad for me, because on days when I have no one to hang out with (which is 90% of the time) the days start blurring together and I run out of things to do, aside from cleaning and homework. Plus I need a steady income. So I'm still job-hunting. I'm looking into getting a job at the cafe where Bri works, if her boss will hire me. Brianne and Brian both said they'll put in a good word for me, and her boss already thinks I'm nice, so there's hope for me yet.
Speaking of Brian, he had a day off today, so we went to the mall together, had lunch and then I got him a birthday gift, since he turned 25 yesterday. I haven't spent time with him in a while, so it was good to see him.
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| Woo, Adventure! |
[02 Apr 2009|01:56am] |
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Hello. I really am too lazy with updating.
I had a fun St. Patrick's Day. I went out with Trivy, Jeremy and Jordan. We went bar hopping (or bar... stumbling? Eh heh heh). I drink rarely, but when I do it tends to be a pretty good time, and St. Patrick's Day certainly was. Trivy called Jordan and I while we were at the convenience store looking for stuff to make mojitos. We all decided that they should come to town so we could hang out. When they got to our place Jordan made a mojito, which he didn't like, but I thought was pretty good. We did a couple of pre-adventure-time shots of rum and then headed out to the bars. They were crowded, but we anticipated that. I tried a couple of things at the first bar. Screwdrivers are good, but Jameson's tastes baaad. But there was another drink that tasted just like fruity pebbles in a glass. I have no idea what it's called, but that may be for the best.
At the second bar we went to, I had a "sex on the beach" (hurr hurr). Speaking of which, what would the plural of that be? "sexes on the beach"? "sex on the beaches"? And I stole some of Trivy's Long Island iced tea, which, what the fuck, has no tea in it whatsoever. The room started getting very wobbly at that point, and I was babbling and getting sleepy, but once we left and went outside, the fresh, cold air made me really giddy and hyperactive. And even more babbly. Climbing back up the hill to our apartment wasn't even tiring at all, though actually being back at the apartment was a bit of a fun blur. I remember trying to watch TV shows on netflix and having no idea what the hell was going on. "Why are there puppies?", "Holy crap, look at his shoes!", "Hahaha, Abe Lincoln, I love this one!".
Jordan, who was the least drunk of the drunk people (Jeremy was the only one totally sober- Trivy and I were both giggly puddles at this point), ordered some calzones. It took forever to get there, but they were really tasty and worth the wait. Poor Jeremy, since he was the only totally sober one, I decided to direct all of my random drunk nonsensical questions to him. But he seemed to think it was pretty funny, and was humoring us at least.
Trivy and Jeremy left after we ate, probably between two or three in the morning. I remember drinking water because I didn't want to get a hang over, and I also remember walking back and fourth in the hallway between the kitchen and Dave's room because I thought that would sober me up a little, then Jordan and I went to sleep.
I'm apparently pretty skilled at not getting hung over, because I managed not to! I woke up fine the next morning feeling fine.
So that was the fun St. Patrick's Day (well, night) Adventure.
And since that was really long, I'll save my other stuff for posting later.
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[12 Mar 2009|01:05am] |
Sometimes I wonder if being observant when it comes to dealing with people is a good or bad thing. I end up seeing through a lot of situations, which is good, but then I can't do anything to change them, which is frustrating.
Jordan brought up an interesting point earlier. I have a tendency to react to things distantly, which makes it seem like I'm either not paying attention, not into the conversation, or not fully understanding it, even when the opposite is true. And now that he mentions it, I realize that sometimes I do seem that way. That would explain the reason why a lot of people treat me like I don't understand things, even when I understand perfectly.
I think it's most likely because during my adolescent years I was so quiet and had very few friends, I just got used to not talking to anyone, so now, even though I've gotten better, I'm still a little socially off. I mean even now I still feel surprised when people actually want to talk to me.
By the way, I got to see Watchmen last weekend. Certainly better than I expected, I would even say it was one of the best movies I've seen in a while. Even though a few things were changed in the adaptation from graphic novel to film, most of the changes were understandable, and I thought they did as well as any movie version of a book (or comic book for that matter) could hope to do. I liked how a lot of the characters were portrayed. Some were completely accurate to the book, others not so much, but even so it was neat to see a different interpretation. I won't spoil anything for you, but there were a few small things I would have changed about it. However, I'm not someone who will pick apart a movie just for the sake of picking it apart. I really enjoyed it and I'll probably get it on DVD when it comes out. Seeing the movie also made Jordan want to read the graphic novel, so that makes me incredibly happy.
Later. <3
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| Picture time. |
[10 Mar 2009|01:58am] |
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I haven't uploaded any of my drawings here in a long time. I usually just post them to Deviant Art.
This is not by any means finished, there are (obviously) still a lot of little flaws to fix and more details to add. It's just a work in progress that I felt like sharing. If you happen to have read any of the story I've been working on lately, you'll probably recognize her.
(I used this artist's stock as a pose reference: http://senshistock.deviantart.com/art/Combo-Pack-1-69671093 )
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[04 Mar 2009|11:45pm] |
I went shopping today to find a new identity.
They didn't have any in stock, so I bought some clothing instead.
The house smells like chocolate, because I'm baking brownies that came in a box.
Not as nice as home made, but they'll do the trick. Jordan asked me to make them.
I can't find my algebra book. I don't like the novel I'm reading for English class.
I should have stopped reading depressing news articles, but I couldn't.
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[26 Feb 2009|02:26pm] |
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"15 Steps" - Radiohead |
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I woke up this morning to an overly dramatic, crazy-ass text message from a friend, explaining that she and I can't be friends any more unless I start signing onto AIM earlier to talk to her before she goes to bed at night.
...I can't even describe the craziness of this message. And she tells me I go on "loony rants" (when I'm talking about things that are perfectly reasonable). Sheesh, if she only knew.
Though very amusing, I don't really want this kind of petty batshit insanity to deal with right now. I've already got a nasty cold, so I'll handle one thing at a time. This End Of The Winter sickness made me miss a day of class on Tuesday, and worse, missed a chance to hang out with Trivy. I went to class today though, head stuffy, mind swimming. Drinking green tea makes me feel better, however, and I'll have to try the mint tea Brianne gave me today. <3
Despite sickness and incredibly weird drama, I'm feeling pretty good, and relaxed.
Also, Julia turned 18 on the 18th. And Mom's birthday was three days after that, I think she's 52 now. For Julia's birthday I went out to dinner with her and my family and some of her friends. We went shopping in Syracuse the day before. It was fun.
Still not happy with them about the Alfie thing I mentioned last time. Unfortunately there's nothing to be done about it now. They were all being exceptionally nice to me though. I guess it's their way of apologizing without having to actually apologize.
Now for more tea. I think if I can pull myself out of bed again, I'll go for a walk, because the weather is so nice right now.
And Bri, thanks for keeping me entertained today. :)
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| A Happy Valentine's Day. A lack of love for a little dog. |
[17 Feb 2009|02:03am] |
Happiness: Had a nice Valentine's Day.
Jordan had to work on actual Valentine's Day, so we opened presents the night before.
He gave me a pink domo-kun doll and a red heart-shaped box of chocolates.
I bought him a The Empyrean by John Frusciante, and two koopa trooper keychains.
I had no money of my own, so I used the jar of change I've been saving up, and put it into a machine at the grocery store.
I got $23. It was nice. Almost like getting money out of nowhere.
Money at the bottom of a purse, or dropped on the floor. Between couch cushions. Under the bed.
I put it to good use. I'm glad I'd been saving it.
On real Valentine's Day, Jordan made steak and potatoes for dinner.
I made strawberry and cream tarts for dessert. Magnifique.
Sadness: my parents gave Alfie to a dog rescue shelter.
They got fed up with him shitting on the floor. Not at all his fault, as he was never trained properly.
What else can you expect?
But I knew they were giving him away, despite my efforts to talk them out of it.
One thing that really upsets me though, is that I asked them to tell me when they would give him away, so that I could say goodbye to him first, so I could know it would be the last time I ever see him. They said they would tell me.
They didn't. He's gone.
NEWSFLASH: my feelings are not important.
I found out because Julia told her friend on Facebook. Told her friend. Didn't tell me.
I asked Mom on the phone if they really gave him away. She started to deny it, but then said yes. I told her I was upset that they broke their promise to tell me.
She made excuses, didn't bother apologizing. Even blamed me for him being gone.
So it ended up being an argument.
All I wanted to hear was "I'm sorry we didn't tell you. We should have."
I would like to be treated like part of the family. For my feelings to stop being considered disposable by them.
I know it sounds dramatic. But I don't know how else to say it.
Either way, I miss Alfie. I liked him a lot. He was yappy and a little dense, but he was still a sweet dog. He loved them. He meant well.
But he was an inconvenience to them.
I know the feeling.
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| Why I love writing. |
[13 Feb 2009|02:23am] |
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relaxed |
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Writing fiction is the best thing ever for me. It's a good form of escapism while still being productive. I can get my mind off of real life things for a while, forget my own insecurities and daily troubles, and just focus on what's going on in the story. Things that won't leave my mind normally will dissipate completely while I'm writing. It's my own free therapy. It makes me feel accomplished, useful, and good at something. I like being 'somewhere else' for an hour or two, and more importantly, I love my characters so much. Sometimes there is nothing else I'd rather be doing.
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[21 Jan 2009|10:30am] |
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Congratulations, President Obama!
I am so amazingly happy to have this man in office. I believe that if he keeps all of his promises and works hard at all of the goals he's set, with our citizens' support, we just may have the U.S. back on it's feet. Granted, it's going to take a lot to recover from being dragged through the mud for the last eight years, but I'm going to stay optimistic. I wish President Obama all the best.
In Angela-related news, today I have to go to the school and figure out what the hell I'm doing for the next semester, which starts tomorrow. Since my Adviser, Lisa (who has been the only really helpful person at the school when it comes to those lovely little Oh-God-what-the-hell-do-I-do-now moments) is on Sabbatical, I can't go to her for help, and I need someone to sign papers saying that I can take a certain math course. Which I'll only need if I absolutely can't get a waiver. Which I also have to get while I'm there. And I wanted to go in to get my waiver and talk to someone with Mom there with me, but she's at work. So I'll have to figure things out by myself.
Well at least Dave is going to the school as well, because he has a work study thing to do, so maybe he can help me figure out who to talk to.
I've been panicking about this semester since last semester ended. I know that what ever happens, it's not the end of the world. I'll figure something out by the end of the day. But I still can't help feeling this anxiety and nervousness nagging at me.
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[17 Jan 2009|01:40pm] |
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I've been trying to get a waiver for Math 100, but the school is trying to discourage me from trying to get it, even though I've tried really hard to pass it, failed twice, and have explained that I've been diagnosed with a learning disability that makes math extremely difficult for me, as has been the case since Elementary school. But not even the people at the Career & Counseling center at school will listen to me. Everyone I talk to just keeps repeating the same thing: "Go to the tutoring center, talk to So-and-so, ask for test accommodations".
Been there, done that. Hasn't helped.
They think if I take the lower math class and work my way up, I'll be able to understand more complex mathematics. The thing they don't understand is that the learning disability I have makes it so that I CAN'T RETAIN ANY COMPLEX NUMERICAL INFORMATION. Which is why every time I take a math test, no matter how hard I've studied, by the time I get to the test, I can't remember any equations or mathematical formulas. My brain doesn't hold onto this kind of information for some reason, it has never been able to. I can remember eating scrambled eggs for first day of kindergarten when I was five. I can give you, off the top of my head, a summary of almost any book I've read during my freshman year of high school. But I can't remember how to do specific math problems five minutes after I've learned how to do them.
I've had to take separate, special math classes from elementary school until middle school, even though I did fine in just about everything else.
I just barely slid by the math I needed to take in High school, and it was absolute Hell for me. Back then my resource room teachers didn't understand my problem either. I would get yelled at for forgetting something that I literally could not force myself to remember. No matter how hard I was trying, I was still being called lazy, even though they saw me work so diligently in my other classes like English, Art and History. In fact I was discouraged from focusing on Art class simply because I didn't need art to graduate. It didn't matter to them that I was enjoying learning about Art, or that working on it made me feel happy and productive and proud of myself.
But this is a rant for another time.
The point is, my brain doesn't work the way most people's work. I see things differently, I process information differently, and I guess in some of that processing, some things just don't come out.
That's the best way I can explain it.
I just want to graduate and move on with my life. If they want to make me start with Math 90 and work my way up to Math 132, then I will be at the same school for at least another year and a half. That's several thousand dollars and two more years of my life, when the ONLY thing keeping me from graduating this Spring is this single math requirement, which I will never be able to understand or use in my adult life.
So Mom and I are going to try to meet with someone at school and set things straight. I will try to make them understand everything I've just explained here, and if they don't listen... I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.
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bunnyinthemoon's journal
